Advertising with Otto Skorzeny

In the style of an M&S advert:

This isn't just a daring rescue. This isn't just a daring behind the lines secret mission.

These are heroic, tantalising, breathtaking, inspiring Otto Skorzeny ventures brought to you by the Waffen SS!

Advert Man Promotes Skorzeny

24 Hour Boss Intrusion?

There's an advert on TV - or there was, I haven't seen it for a while - which goes to show how twisted and retarded advertising execs and the dicky-bow'd "blue sky thinkers" of 'Ad Land' are.

Left: "Commuters of the world unite - you have nothing to lose but your trains" (sorry).

The ad was for some Mobile Phone company (Vodafone I think) and tried to tell people that by getting their e-mails on the move they would gain more freedom.

Now stop laughing!

How many office-dwellers really think that 24 hour emails would be a good thing?

Imagine a boss on Monday morning going red at the gills because an e-mail you received at 8pm on Sunday wasn't "actioned."

It reminded me of an article written by the Distributist Fr. McNabb when he wrote about the railway system.

He said when people started to commute to work the powers-that-be said it delivered freedom
by allowing people to live wherever they liked.

In reality all it did was give the people who Capitalism had forced off the land the chance (if they could afford it) to move out to suburbia and then sit in a glorified cattle-truck for upwards of an hour a day.

Surely freedom would be to let these people live on the land and not force them off it in the first place?

When you consider most were forced off, against their will, to work in scandalous factories and similar environs where they were treated as expendable cattle it is even m ore of a twisted mind that thinks commuting is "freedom" especially when the commuters have to sacrifice a family to work all the hours to pay the large mortgage that commuter-belt living carries (or if they do have 1.2 children, rarely seeing the child(ren) Monday - Friday).

So what do Ad Land and mobile phone companies think will give more freedom to the 9-to-5 commuting "lifestyle" - emails in that enforced train or car ride!

Ah freedom!

Do we have any idea what real freedom is any more?

Petty Napoleons preach to us about Freedoms whilst insisting on our enslavement and treating us like mushrooms (kept in the dark and fed on... well, you know the rest).

It's time we regarded freedom as what it should be:

Freedom is owning (not mortgaged for life) a home and some land.

Freedom is not being taxed to death.

Freedom is not having a government tell you and your children how to think.

Freedom is minimal interference by government - local and national.

Freedom is living under basic moral laws without 1001 Westminster and EU edicts micro-managing our lives.

Freedom is daily involvement in local politics and community decisions, not putting a cross on a piece of paper every 4 years.

Freedom isn't being forced to commute, forced to pay banks interest for most of our lives, being forced to be at a boss's beck and call 24 hours.

It reminds me of those who say the internet and online voting would deliver "more freedom." Circa 1999 in overthrowing John Tyndall a certain nationalist leader proposed this.

Goes to show the old adage 'There are none so blind as cannot see' is true.

Where computerised vote counting has been used in Ireland and America there have been suggestions of rigging the vote (I think here especially of accusations by Pat Buchanan and Irish Pro-Lifers).

Do you honestly think any Westminster regime, and certainly any EU regime, would be above any rigging of the vote - "for the greater good" of course!

If you think postal voting was a con - imagine the same mentality (a judge said it was worse than a Third World 'Banana Republic') let lose on computerised voting?

You'd have to be a moron of the first order - or desperate to appear "trend-setting and modern" to even suggest it.

Rant over.

Evidence of a Satanic Plot

Today I'd like to tell you about advertising and the Anti-Christ.

For some time now my family has laughed at advertising for the Toyota Yaris. Every (s)advert we've seen has been some funky young dudes or foxy young chicks driving the Yaris (on their way to rock climbing, bungee jumping or white water rafting) which (somehow) demands the ultimate respect (sorry - respec' - to use the negroid parlance).

In actual fact these sad little box cars (which fittingly seem to come mostly in dull shades of grey and similar nondescript shades of drab) are rarely driven by anyone under the age of 50, with the majority of them owned by wee office middle management or OAPs (pensioners) doing 40mph in the middle lane of the M1.

And that is how advertising works.

The advertising execs (in their Christopher Biggins glasses and their Gordon Gekko (right) braces) try to convince us that chewing gum will bring us sex appeal, that shaving razors will make us powerful businessmen, that women going through menstruation enjoy roller skating in hot pants and that grey little box cars have "attitude" and are driven by the young and the trendy.

In the film Devil's Advocate, Hollywood tries to tell us that were Satan in the guise of a person (ably played by Al Pacino) he would be what the Americans call an attorney.

It's a convincing argument - because as the film portrays, lawyers will argue that black is white in order to win a case, regardless of the rights and wrongs.

The preponderance of liars, spinners and traitors in politics can probably be roughly equated with the high volume of party politicians with law degrees for that very reason.

There's little love lost for solicitors in America, and as our country mimics the States in becoming more litigious, solicitors here are on a downward slope, heading fast towards catching up with politicians, journalists - and the big guano pile at the centre - estate agents, in the league of least favourite professions.

However, as the advertising execs also try to convince us that black is white could it be that this profession could also be the domain of Old Nick?

Yes kids - McDonalds does healthy food! Yes you're a loser if you don't have the games consul No. 5 (because No. 4 - the one so trendy 6 months ago - is now the plaything of losers and cheapskates). Yes, rubbing a certain cream in your skin will make you (post-menopausal woman) look like the 14-year-old actress on the TV.

And on it goes... so that eventually even you might think that a young go-getter would allow themselves to be seen driving a Toyota Yaris!

So where does the Anti-Christ come into all this?

Well, in the Hollywood version Al Pacino would no doubt have a stretch limo or a Humvee (though in the film he professes to travel through city on the tube to keep in touch with real people - so he can't be a politician!) but today I saw it!

I saw the car used by the Anti-Christ (OK, maybe a bit too far... perhaps it's just been developed in preparation for his birth!).

It was a Toyota Yaris Estate!!!

A wee box car with a large boot chucked on the back. It looked awful. It looked dreadful (in the original sense). It sent a shiver down the spine. It was, in short, Satanic!

Man is not meant to drive such monstrosities!

How could we descend so far - from the beauty of Montmartre, built to last 1000 years, to this ugly squat box built to rust in 10 years?

Our only hope is that, by the evidence to hand, the Anti-Christ will be a befuddled OAP wobbling his way from one lane of traffic to the next with no idea of where he is or where he's supposed to be going!

--

p.s. I think there's a conspiracy. Seems fitting somehow. According to the official Toyota site there is no Yaris estate! Cue the eerie music! Thank God I had witnesses with me when we saw the monstrosity... or you might think I was mad! ;-)