Evidence of a Satanic Plot

Today I'd like to tell you about advertising and the Anti-Christ.

For some time now my family has laughed at advertising for the Toyota Yaris. Every (s)advert we've seen has been some funky young dudes or foxy young chicks driving the Yaris (on their way to rock climbing, bungee jumping or white water rafting) which (somehow) demands the ultimate respect (sorry - respec' - to use the negroid parlance).

In actual fact these sad little box cars (which fittingly seem to come mostly in dull shades of grey and similar nondescript shades of drab) are rarely driven by anyone under the age of 50, with the majority of them owned by wee office middle management or OAPs (pensioners) doing 40mph in the middle lane of the M1.

And that is how advertising works.

The advertising execs (in their Christopher Biggins glasses and their Gordon Gekko (right) braces) try to convince us that chewing gum will bring us sex appeal, that shaving razors will make us powerful businessmen, that women going through menstruation enjoy roller skating in hot pants and that grey little box cars have "attitude" and are driven by the young and the trendy.

In the film Devil's Advocate, Hollywood tries to tell us that were Satan in the guise of a person (ably played by Al Pacino) he would be what the Americans call an attorney.

It's a convincing argument - because as the film portrays, lawyers will argue that black is white in order to win a case, regardless of the rights and wrongs.

The preponderance of liars, spinners and traitors in politics can probably be roughly equated with the high volume of party politicians with law degrees for that very reason.

There's little love lost for solicitors in America, and as our country mimics the States in becoming more litigious, solicitors here are on a downward slope, heading fast towards catching up with politicians, journalists - and the big guano pile at the centre - estate agents, in the league of least favourite professions.

However, as the advertising execs also try to convince us that black is white could it be that this profession could also be the domain of Old Nick?

Yes kids - McDonalds does healthy food! Yes you're a loser if you don't have the games consul No. 5 (because No. 4 - the one so trendy 6 months ago - is now the plaything of losers and cheapskates). Yes, rubbing a certain cream in your skin will make you (post-menopausal woman) look like the 14-year-old actress on the TV.

And on it goes... so that eventually even you might think that a young go-getter would allow themselves to be seen driving a Toyota Yaris!

So where does the Anti-Christ come into all this?

Well, in the Hollywood version Al Pacino would no doubt have a stretch limo or a Humvee (though in the film he professes to travel through city on the tube to keep in touch with real people - so he can't be a politician!) but today I saw it!

I saw the car used by the Anti-Christ (OK, maybe a bit too far... perhaps it's just been developed in preparation for his birth!).

It was a Toyota Yaris Estate!!!

A wee box car with a large boot chucked on the back. It looked awful. It looked dreadful (in the original sense). It sent a shiver down the spine. It was, in short, Satanic!

Man is not meant to drive such monstrosities!

How could we descend so far - from the beauty of Montmartre, built to last 1000 years, to this ugly squat box built to rust in 10 years?

Our only hope is that, by the evidence to hand, the Anti-Christ will be a befuddled OAP wobbling his way from one lane of traffic to the next with no idea of where he is or where he's supposed to be going!

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p.s. I think there's a conspiracy. Seems fitting somehow. According to the official Toyota site there is no Yaris estate! Cue the eerie music! Thank God I had witnesses with me when we saw the monstrosity... or you might think I was mad! ;-)